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From my years of involvement in various healing ministries, I’ve gathered a wealth of knowledge and insights, though I’m not a licensed therapist or coach. This guide aims to share some of that learned wisdom, particularly for those navigating the challenging path of recovery from betrayal trauma.
In this blog, you’ll find:
- An exploration of different types of betrayal, which will help you understand some of the varied forms trauma can take.
- “Survival Guide”: A comprehensive guide providing practical steps and strategies to aid you on your journey to healing and empowerment.
- Healing for Her: Are you feeling hurt by your partner’s infidelity, pornography use, or other sexual betrayals? You don’t have to face this pain alone. View two vetted online programs available 24/7, including a Free Betrayal Trauma Podcast and online tools designed to help you heal at your own pace. The process is affordable, faith-based, and vetted to ensure quality and confidentiality. Process the pain, heal deeply, and find hope again. For an opportunity to start your healing journey, click here.
- His Healing: An effective online program designed to help individuals break free from internet pornography addiction. Click here: https://www.reclaimsexualhealth.com/
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Types of Betrayal:
There are many types of betrayal trauma, including parental, intimate partner, interpersonal and institutional. The following is a brief summary of each.
- Intimate partner: In cases of intimate partner betrayal, particularly involving sexual addiction, the trauma can be profound. Understanding these dynamics is key to healing.
- Book: Trauma Mama Husband Drama: No woman should have to endure the pain of an emotionally abusive husband or the heartbreak of betrayal trauma. https://amzn.to/4awog5I
- Book: Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Sheri Kefer. Amazon
- Book: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners can Cope and Heal by Amazon
- Parental: When a parent or caretaker, someone you depend on for your needs to be met, abuses you or fails to protect you from harm. This may manifest as physical or emotional abuse, including Childhood Emotional Neglect. (CEN)
- Book:
- Interpersonal: When a trusted friend, family, peer, or individual betrays your trust.
- Institutional: When an institution impacts you in a way that is in direct opposition to how they portray themselves or stated in their mottos and goals. This can also occur when the institution protects a perpetrator vs. a victim or “whistleblower.” This may include an educational institution, the military, healthcare systems, etc.
Betrayal trauma alters the mind and body. A person can suffer from betrayal trauma and not yet be aware of the betrayal. That nagging sense that something is off in the relationship, that something isn’t quite right, can be a clue.
Survival Guide:
Recognize Your Control: Understand that the only person you can control in recovery is yourself. Start with you.
Seek Specialized Trauma Therapy: Not all therapists are equipped to handle trauma. Psychology, like medicine, has its specialties. A trained trauma therapist creates an environment of emotional safety, crucial for processing traumatic experiences without feeling overwhelmed or re-traumatized.
Consider EMDR Therapy: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a well-established and effective psychotherapy approach for treating trauma and various mental health conditions. It’s known for potentially faster trauma recovery compared to some traditional talk therapies and can lead to significant improvements in a shorter period of time. Learn more here: EMDRIA.
Prioritize Self-Care: Your physical and mental well-being are crucial. Try activities that boost your health and surround yourself with supportive people.
- Physical self-care includes getting enough rest, exercising, and eating healthily.
- Emotional self-care involves practices like showing yourself kindness (self-compassion), journaling, and enjoying music.
- Remember, self-care also extends to your spiritual and personal life. It comes in many forms, so explore online for ‘Self Care’ ideas to find what suits you best.
Be Cautious of Quick-Fix Programs: Recovery from betrayal trauma is a long-term journey. Be wary of expensive programs that promise quick results.
Verify Counselor’s Expertise: Ensure that the professionals you consult have specific, substantial experience in dealing with betrayal trauma, family systems, addiction, and porn addiction, if this is a concern.
Educate Yourself About Addiction: It’s important to understand addiction in general to effectively support recovery, since it’s the root of many traumas. Today, we’re seeing an alarming rise in porn addiction, even within the church, making it a crucial topic to address. This understanding is especially vital in cases of intimate partner betrayal, where one partner struggles with sexual or porn addiction, as the impact is often deeply traumatic. Recognizing and understanding these dynamics is key to healing. For more insights on navigating through such betrayal and the healing process, especially in the context of sexual addiction, check out my blog post ‘Helping Women Heal.’ You’ll find additional support and perspectives there. You can read it here.
Establish Clear Boundaries: Essential for emotional well-being during recovery. ‘Boundaries’ by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend is a great resource. Amazon
Join Support Groups: These provide community support and understanding from those in similar situations.
Develop Healthy Coping Strategies: Work with your therapist to identify and practice these.
Plan for Setbacks: Acknowledge that recovery involves ups and downs. Remember, healing is a process with an ebb and flow, not a straight path. Progress in therapy isn’t always linear.
Reassess your Relationships: With professional guidance, decide the best course for your relationships.
Avoid Blame and Guilt: It’s important to remember that you are not responsible for the actions of others, whether it’s a partner, family member, colleague, or friend who has betrayed you. Shifting the burden of blame and guilt from your shoulders can be a significant step in your healing process.
Explore Forgiveness: Part of healing may involve forgiveness, which is a personal and complex process.
Focus on Long-Term Goals: Maintain focus on your long-term emotional and mental health goals by starting with your ‘why.’ Understand your motivation and let it guide you. Why do these goals matter to you? Keeping this purpose in mind will help you stay aligned with your objectives. If you’re looking to dive deeper and get personalized advice, it’s a good idea to seek professionals trained in trauma recovery and EMDR therapy. Therapy can be a powerful tool in your healing journey, helping you transform and heal.
With Prayerful Intent,
Patty Klochko